How can I support someone living with obesity?

What does helpful support look like?

Helpful support starts from respect: the person is an adult who makes their own choices, and obesity is a chronic disease with many causes, not a lack of willpower. Comments about weight, even when well meant, often feel like criticism and can increase stress and shame. Read more about weight stigma.

• Let the person decide whether, when and how to talk about weight.
• Ask what kind of help they would like, instead of assuming.
• Offer practical help: cooking together, a walk, a lift to an appointment.
• Make healthy changes for the whole household, so no one is singled out.
• Stand up against jokes and blame from others.

What should I say, and what should I avoid?

Good conversations are open, kind and focused on the person, not on the number on the scale. If the person does not want to talk about it, respect that and keep the door open.

How can I help with doctor visits?

You can help most by making it easier to get good care, if the person wants that. Offer to help prepare questions using our doctor visit checklist, go along to take notes, or simply be there afterwards to talk. Let the person speak for themselves in the consultation unless they ask you to step in.

How can I support someone through medication or surgery?

Treatment for obesity is a medical decision for the person and their doctor; your role is to support it without judgement. Some people receive unkind comments that taking medicine or having surgery is the easy way out. Such comments only add shame. Whatever someone decides with their doctor deserves respect.

Obesity Foundation does not recommend or promote weight-loss medication or surgery; whether they are right for someone is a matter for that person and their doctor. What everyone can share is good food, regular movement and walking. An invitation to go for a walk together is often the kindest support.

Medication

• Learn the basics from our page on weight-loss medication, so you understand what to expect.
• GLP-1 based medicines such as semaglutide are prescribed by a doctor and used together with changes in eating and activity. Common side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, constipation, belly pain and headache. Smaller meals and patience at the table can help.
• Weight usually returns after stopping. Do not push the person to start, continue or stop; that decision belongs with them and their doctor.
• Do not comment on how much they eat. Their appetite may be very different from before.
• Respect privacy. It is their decision who knows about their treatment.

Surgery

• Help with practical tasks in the first weeks, such as shopping, cleaning, childcare and transport. Most people stay in hospital for a few days and need several weeks before they are back to their normal activities.
• Support the new way of eating. After surgery, people move step by step from fluids to puréed and soft foods, then to normal food, and eat small portions slowly.
• Encourage lifelong follow-up and vitamin and mineral supplements, as advised by the surgical team.
• Be aware of emotional changes. Big changes in body and eating can bring up difficult feelings. Encourage psychological support if needed.
• Plan social occasions around something other than food, or make sure there are options that suit them.

See our page on bariatric surgery for more information.

How can I support a child or teenager?

For children and teenagers, the most helpful approach is to change habits as a family and talk about health, not weight. A US study of more than 2,300 adolescents found that when parents talked about weight and size, teenagers were more likely to diet and use unhealthy weight-control behaviours than when parents talked only about healthy eating.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to avoid weight talk, dieting and teasing, and to encourage regular family meals.

• Make changes for the whole family, so your child does not feel singled out.
• Eat together as often as you can, without screens.
• Do not use food as a reward or punishment, and let your child decide when they have had enough.
• Protect sleep and keep screens out of the bedroom.
• Find activities your child enjoys, such as dancing, cycling or playing outside.
• Never tease or allow teasing about weight at home. Ask the school how it deals with weight-based bullying.
• Be a role model: speak kindly about your own body and others.
• Talk to your child's doctor before starting any weight-loss plan. Watch for signs of an eating disorder, such as skipping meals, secret eating or strong fear of weight gain, and seek help early.

Read more on our page about obesity in children.

How do I look after myself?

Supporting someone you love can be tiring and worrying, and you can only help well if you look after yourself too. It is normal to feel helpless, frustrated or sad at times.

• Accept that you cannot control another person's health or choices.
• Talk about your own feelings with someone you trust, or with a professional.
• Look for a patient or family organisation in your country; many offer support for relatives.
• Keep time for your own rest, activities and friendships.
• If you are worried about someone's safety, for example because of an eating disorder, severe low mood or thoughts of self-harm, contact a doctor or a local helpline. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.