Weight loss support groups, buddies and challenges: how to lose weight together

Does support help you lose weight? What the research shows

Yes, on average support seems to help. Group programmes beat minimal or no treatment in trials, and studies of couples and teams point the same way. The effect is modest, but it costs very little.

The largest body of evidence comes from group programmes. A systematic review of 47 randomised trials found that diet and activity programmes delivered in groups led to about 3.5 kg more weight loss than control conditions at six and twelve months, and about 2.6 kg more at two years.

That same review found that groups did better when they openly aimed at weight loss, gave people feedback on their progress and set clear food goals. Men-only groups also stood out, which is worth knowing if you are a man who feels out of place in mixed groups; our guide to weight loss for men goes further.

An older review compared group treatment directly with one-to-one treatment. Across five trials, people in groups lost more weight at twelve months. The trials were small and mostly included women in programmes led by psychologists, so the result is encouraging rather than final.

Why does company make a difference?

Several simple things are probably at work. You see that people like you can do it, you pick up tips that worked for someone with the same daily life, and you feel a gentle duty to show up.

Support from friends and family is often missing, though. In a study of 267 women starting a group programme, more than three in four said friends or family never or rarely helped them eat well or move more. Women who never had support from family were the least likely to lose 5 % of their weight.

A surprise in that study is hopeful: women with no support from friends still did well, possibly because the group gave them what their friendships did not. A good group can fill a gap at home.

The classic friends-and-family trial on keeping weight off is described in step 6 of our guide on how to lose weight. This page looks at the practical side: which kind of support to choose and how to make it work.

Weight loss support groups: free, online or in person, what to expect

A weight loss support group is a small circle of people who meet regularly to share what helps, talk about what gets in the way and encourage each other. Some are run by a trained leader; others are run by members themselves.

At a typical in-person meeting, people arrive, catch up and take turns saying how their week went. There may be a short topic, such as cooking on a budget or getting through the weekend, and often a walk before or after.

You do not have to talk at your first meeting. Listening is a fine way to start, and a well-run group will make clear that what is said in the room stays in the room.

Online groups and forums

Online groups give you contact without travel, at any time of day. That matters if you work shifts, care for someone, live far from a town or find it hard to walk into a room of strangers.

Being active online seems to matter more than simply being a member. In a survey of 187 members of an online weight loss programme, people who used the forums and blogs at least weekly were almost five times as likely to feel encouraged as those who rarely did.

Encouragement is not the same as good advice, however. Anyone can post anything, and some online spaces praise very low calorie diets, fasting for days or pills. Treat tips from strangers as ideas to check, not instructions, and keep your doctor in the loop.

Groups led by health services

Some clinics, hospitals and health services run their own groups, sometimes for people with diabetes, joint problems or before and after bariatric surgery. These groups may also talk about medicines.

Whether medication is right for you is something to discuss with your doctor. Obesity Foundation does not recommend or promote weight-loss medication; our focus is good food, appropriate exercise and walking.

If you want a full programme with a set structure, coaching and lessons, rather than peer support, our guide to choosing a weight loss program compares the options.

How to find (or start) a free weight loss support group, and red flags

The quickest way to find a free group is to ask the people who already know your area: your doctor’s practice, a local health centre, the library or a community centre. They often keep lists of groups and walks that never show up in online searches.

Other good places to look are patient organisations, charities, faith communities and neighbourhood notice boards. Online, search for your town plus words like “healthy lifestyle group” or “beginner walking group”, not only “diet club”.

Our find help page lists more starting points, including what to ask your doctor about local support.

Red flags: when to walk away

• The group sells shakes, supplements, pills or “detox” products, or asks you to recruit others.
• Leaders promise a set number of kilos in a set number of days.
• People are weighed in front of others, ranked, or praised only for the scale.
• Very low calorie eating, skipping meals or punishing exercise is encouraged.
• Members are told to stop medicines or ignore their doctor.
• Money is collected for bets or fines when someone gains weight.
• You leave meetings feeling ashamed rather than lighter in mood.

One red flag is enough reason to look elsewhere. You never owe a group your loyalty.

Starting your own group

If nothing suits you nearby, you can start a group with two or three people. It does not need a leader with a diploma, only a fixed rhythm and a few clear agreements.

1. Choose a time and a free place. A library room, a community centre or a park bench all work. The same day and time each week makes it a habit.
2. Keep it small. Small enough that everyone gets a turn to speak in an hour.
3. Agree on ground rules. No comments about bodies, no public weigh-ins, privacy for what is shared, and medical questions go to a doctor.
4. Add movement. A short walk at an easy pace, so the slowest walker sets the speed.
5. Share the work. Take turns choosing a topic, such as snacks, sleep or eating out.
6. Use free, trusted material. An eating plan, a beginner walking plan or workout videos give the group a shared starting point.

Weight loss buddy or accountability partner: how to pick one and what to agree

A weight loss buddy is one person who works on the same kind of habits as you and checks in with you regularly. An accountability partner is the same idea with a firmer promise: you tell each other what you will do, then report back.

A buddy suits people who find groups too busy or too public. It is also easier to arrange: one phone call, a shared walking time and you have started.

Who makes a good buddy?

The best buddy is reliable, kind and roughly as ready to change as you are. They do not need to weigh the same or have the same goal; a friend who wants to walk more for their back can be a great partner for your weight loss.

Be careful with buddies who love to compete or who comment on food on your plate. Someone who makes you feel judged will make it harder, not easier.

Look beyond your closest friends. A neighbour, a colleague, a cousin or someone from an online group can be a good match, and a little distance sometimes makes honest check-ins easier.

A simple buddy agreement

Before you start, spend ten minutes agreeing on the points below. Write them down, so you can look back at them when life gets busy.

• Our goal: habits we both work on, such as walking minutes, water instead of sugary drinks, or vegetables at dinner.
• When we meet: a fixed walk or call, for example Tuesday after work and Saturday morning.
• How we check in: one short message on a fixed day, with what went well and what was hard.
• What we do not do: comment on each other’s bodies, plates or weight, unless asked.
• When one of us slips: no lecture, just one question, “What would help this week?”
• What stays private: weight, health details and anything shared in confidence.
• When we review: after four weeks, we look at whether this still works for both of us.

The review point matters. A buddy arrangement that has stopped helping can end kindly, and that leaves space for something that suits you better.

Many people pair their buddy check-ins with a simple log of meals or steps. Our guide to calorie counting explains how to track food without becoming obsessive, and weight loss motivation covers journals and trackers.

Losing weight with your partner or family: the ripple effect at home

When one person in a household changes how they eat and move, the people they live with often change too. Researchers call this the ripple effect, and it is one of the strongest reasons to lose weight together at home.

In a trial with 130 couples, one partner joined a weight programme or got a simple self-help handout, and the other partner got nothing at all. After six months, the untreated partners had lost about 2 kg on average, and about a third had lost at least 3 % of their weight.

The weight changes of each couple also moved together: when one partner lost more, the other tended to as well. Shared shopping, meals and evenings probably carry the habits from one person to the other.

The other side of the ripple

The ripple also works in the other direction. A large study of a social network followed over 32 years found that a person’s chance of developing obesity was higher when a friend, sibling or spouse had developed obesity in the same period.

That does not mean anyone is to blame. People who share lives share meals, routines, stress and neighbourhoods, and obesity has many causes beyond any one person. The hopeful message is that a healthy change can travel through the same ties.

Making it work at home

• Change the shared basics. Water on the table, a fruit bowl in sight and fewer sweet drinks in the cupboard help everyone eat fewer calories without a fuss.
• Cook one meal, serve it differently. Everyone eats the same dish; portions and extras can differ. Our free eating plan uses ordinary family food that fills you up.
• Walk after dinner. A short walk together is family time and movement in one.
• Talk about health, not weight. Especially around children, say “we want more energy” rather than “I need to lose weight”.
• Respect different starting points. Your partner may not want to lose weight, or may need a different pace. Ask for help with specific things instead of a joint diet.

If you are the one supporting someone else, the guide on supporting a loved one covers what to say and what to avoid.

Weight loss challenge with friends or colleagues: how to keep it fair and safe

A weight loss challenge can give a group of friends or colleagues a shared goal, a bit of fun and a clear finish line. It works best when teams compete on habits such as steps and walks, and nobody’s weight is ranked or bet on.

Team spirit is a real force. In a 12-week online team competition with more than 3,000 adults with overweight or obesity, people reported losing about 4 % of their weight on average. Results clustered within teams, and people who felt more influenced by teammates lost more.

Why steps, not kilos

Competing on weight rewards the wrong things. It can tempt people to crash diet or skip meals before a weigh-in, and public weigh-ins can make people feel exposed and excluded.

Steps are fairer: everyone can add some, whatever their size. In a trial with 602 adults with overweight or obesity, game-style step challenges built on support, teamwork or competition all raised daily steps compared with no game. Competition gave the biggest lift, and it was the only version where steps stayed clearly higher after the game ended.

So a friendly contest can help, as long as it is about effort rather than bodies. Our page on weight and work explains why workplace weigh-ins often backfire.

Rules for a fair challenge

• Play in teams. Mix fitness levels in each team, so nobody carries the shame of coming last on their own.
• Score habits. Points for walks, steps compared with each person’s own starting point, water days and food swaps.
• Keep weight private. If someone wants to track their weight, they do so on their own.
• No money bets. Prizes, if any, are small and for the whole team, such as a picnic or a shared walk to a café.
• Make it opt-in. Nobody is put under pressure to join, and nobody has to explain why they stop.
• Include everyone. Count wheelchair pushes, chair exercises or swimming for people who cannot walk far.

A 30-day walking-and-food challenge to do together

This 30-day challenge is a gentle way for two or more people to build walking and food habits that help you lose weight. It is not a crash plan, and it does not promise a number of kilos.

Talk to your doctor first before you start this challenge, especially if you have diabetes, heart or lung problems, high blood pressure, joint pain or take regular medicines. Stop and get advice if you feel chest pain, dizziness or unusual breathlessness.

Each person starts from their own walking time today. If 10 minutes is what you can manage, that is your starting point; if you already walk 30 minutes, start there. You add a little each week, and each week you make one food swap together.

You can split walking time into two or three short walks. Ten minutes in the morning and ten in the evening count just as much as one longer walk.

The aim behind the walking is the WHO advice for adults of 150 to 300 minutes of moderate activity a week. The same guideline is clear that some activity is better than none, so any step up from where you are now counts.

If 5 extra minutes a week is too much, add 2 or 3 instead, or repeat a week. Going slower is not failing. For a longer plan with shoes, pace and joint tips, see our guide to walking for weight loss, and for the right speed of weight loss, our page on safe weight loss.

After 30 days, keep what worked and choose the next step together. Some pairs add a short home workout at the Start level from our free workout videos; others simply keep walking and choose a new food swap.

When support turns into pressure: comparison, comments and stigma

Support helps only when it leaves you feeling respected. When it turns into comments, comparison or control, it can make eating and moving harder and hurt your mood.

Hurtful remarks often come from the people closest to us. In a survey of more than 8,000 adults in a weight management programme across six countries, all of whom had faced weight stigma, many reported it from their mothers (about half or more) and from spouses or partners (40 to 57 %).

Stigma from close family went together with poorer psychological health.

The study of 267 women mentioned earlier also measured sabotage from friends and family, and some women described deliberate attempts to undo their efforts. Pushing second helpings or teasing someone for going for a walk can be meant kindly or not, but either way it is worth naming.

Signs that support has become pressure

• Someone checks your plate, comments on your body or asks for your weight.
• A group or buddy only praises the scale, never your effort.
• You compare yourself with a faster loser and feel like a failure.
• You start hiding food, skipping meals or exercising to make up for eating.
• You dread meetings or messages instead of looking forward to them.

What you can do

Tell the person plainly what helps and what does not, for example: “Walking with me helps. Comments about my plate do not.” Most people adjust once they know.

Comparing yourself with others is natural, but bodies lose weight at different speeds for reasons such as starting weight, age, sex, sleep and medicines. Compare your habits with your own last month, not with someone else’s scale.

If you notice you are hiding food, eating in a way that feels out of control or exercising to punish yourself, please talk to your doctor. Our pages on emotional eating and psychological support explain where to find help. Our page on weight stigma explains why judgement makes change harder, and what you can do.

Free help to lose weight together

Obesity Foundation helps people lose weight and feel better with good food, suitable exercise and walking. Everything is free, so you can share it with your buddy, your partner or your whole group.

• A free eating plan with ordinary food you can cook for the whole household, without crash dieting. Request your free eating plan.
• Free workout videos in three levels, Start, Build and Strong, so friends with different fitness can train side by side. Get the free workout videos.
• A free video meeting (in English) with one of our volunteers, to talk through your plan or how to set up a group. Book a free video meeting.
• A free Club account to log your walks and workouts and see your own progress, privately. Join the Obesity Foundation Club.

Pick one person, one walking time and one food swap this week. Talk to your doctor first, then take that first step together.